Canice on Vanity

"Vanity is the excessive belief in one's own ...attractiveness to others."

So what is the relationship between me and vanity? Pretty remote i would say. I am so insecure on this topic, it actually impacts my daily life. And surprisingly, I find I am not so alone. In talking about this with other women, I have found that many follow a routine similar to my own.
Each work day I start getting ready for work, look at myself int he full length mirror, and invaribaly think what I am wearing is not what I want..I spedn usually a half hout every morning going thru this, changing tops, pants for jeans, jeans for skirts, skirts for slacks, sometimes ending up wearing the same clothes I started to wear.
Then there are what shoes to wear...what a nightmare..

July 26, 2008- Reminders on age

Last night honey plugged our video camera into the large plasma screen in the living room and played some video shot on our vacation...the screen shot above illustrates why i dont like other people taking candid photos of me, unless i know its coming. i am very self conscious bout my appearance...maybe too much so, probably because of the way my dad used to talk to me, maybe because my mother is seriously hugely obese, which runs on her side of the family...and contributes to my general health being so-so. Anyway, it was seeing the videos on my own last week that made me (again) start watching what I eat with renewed fervor, and exercising more...

Entry for July 22, 2008

depressing.

Visitor Stats: Jul 21 - Jul 27

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I am speaking of the news that this page has had absolutely zero visitors since Sunday. In the past 48 hours, zip, zilch, nada...and of course i wonder why?

Is it because my Sunday post was nothing exciting, nothing droll enough to entice readers, or is it simply that Yahoo 360 has waned so completely from the mainstream social interaction it used to have. I don't know. Sometimes i think i actually don't care.

Maybe the rambling thoughts I express are so out of context to the average person that there simply is no audience. Maybe.

Certainly I have demonstrated the ability to communicate ideas, at least I thought I did. Yet I know of only a handful of regular readers, who periodically challenge what I believe is true: America is in a long decline from the land of educated persons, to making Idiocracy a way of life.

I dont know...maybe , maybe not.

Hello? Is anyone there?

I wonder often if people are reading this particular blog or not...I know i have had over 10,000 hits on the Yahoo page, but then again i only made that page public a year or so ago...this page is pretty much public since i made it, and I think there have been 140 or so visitors, although the map thingy says not, so they must be repeat visits.

If you wonder about the music videos i post, many times they are just ones i fancy in the moment, although like i was saying at work today, you know you are old when all the really memorable songs you know are around 40 years old...bummer man.

I wonder if when some young tough guy walks by my car while I am sitting there if there is any recognition that I have done a lot of things, things that maybe he hasn't even though of, or perhaps hopefully will never experience. Assassination of a president, his brother, and a civil rights leader; watching almost live TV of men bouncing around on the moon; being invited to see a weather satellite launch over the Pacific; flying a long circuitous route to Europe from the west coast because Russia was the enemy; knowing that gasoline will always be there, and under 50 cents a gallon, and freaking out when it hits 75 cents a gallon (now that wasn’t that long ago either); making hot passionate love on a beach, losing your class ring, and having the police show up and tell you to get dressed and get off the beach, the beach is closed. So maybe that’s why I tend to relax listening to “older” music,,, it takes me back to those things I recognize now as some of the good things I have done. Hopefully there will be a time when I listen to Lenny Kravitz and have good memories as well…I know I have started…

Amboy Dukes

Back in the olden days...

The first time I heard this, I was laying on my bed in the summer heat, listening to the radio. Ah, the good old days, no AC, AM radio, no computers...well at least the songs were good...

Back in the olden days...

The first time I heard this, I was laying on my bed in the summer heat, listening to the radio. Ah, the good old days, no AC, AM radio, no computers...well at least the songs were good...

Random thoughts

I recently went to see my doctor, who had asked me to schedule an appointment to review some exams, and check up on my health in general. Of course when i got there he totally had forgot about why I was there, and so I had to refresh his memory...that said, when he asked if I had any concerns, I asked him why my boobs are getting bigger. At least that's my perspective, since I used to wear a B cup and now I have gone up a size. Maybe I was always wearing the wrong size, but it seems to me when i would try one on it was not a good fit, and now they are. This leads to a discussion about doing regular self exams (I do) and mammograms, which I will discuss in a minute.So, and this doctor is the only one i recall doing this to me, he gets the nurse, and then has me take off my top, so i am sitting there half naked, although i did keep my bra on. He had me lean forward, then back, lift my arms up, etc, then had me loosen my bra and lay back on the exam table, and he smashed me around, running his clinically cold hands over me, and finally announces what I already knew, that there were not suspect lumps. He then proceeds to review my medical record on the computer, and says "well, this is probably nothing to worry about, since this is fairly common for women of your age..." OK, here we go...He says that as i age, the muscles in your upper chest tend to decrease, so that essentially your boobs start losing lift, and seem bigger, because they droop. Crap! The dreaded droopy tit syndrome, or DTS.

The health plan recently started what they call walk-in mammography, so you can when ever the whim hits you just pop in, get half naked, and have some technician put your breasts in a medical vise and smash the heck out of them. My left one still hurts, and this was yesterday I went...I recently went to see my doctor, who had asked me to schedule an appointment to review some exams, and check up on my health in general. Of course when i got there he totally had forgot about why I was there, and so I had to refresh his memory...that said, when he asked if I had any concerns, I asked him why my boobs are getting bigger. At least that's my perspective, since I used to wear a B cup and now I have gone up a size. Maybe I was always wearing the wrong size, but it seems to me when i would try one on it was not a good fit, and now they are. This leads to a discussion about doing regular self exams (I do) and mammograms, which I will discuss in a minute. So, and this doctor is the only one i recall doing this to me, he gets the nurse, and then has me take off my top, so i am sitting there half naked, although i did keep my bra on. He had me lean forward, then back, lift my arms up, etc, while he smashed me around, and finally announces what I already knew, that there were not suspect lumps. He then proceeds to review my medical record on the computer, and says "well, this is probably nothing to worry about, since this is fairly common for women of your age..." OK, here we go...He says that as i age, the muscles in your upper chest tend to decrease, so that essentially your boobs start losing lift, and seem bigger, because they droop. Crap! The dreaded droopy tit syndrome, or DTS. The health plan recently started what they call walk-in mammography, so you can when ever the whim hits you just pop in, get half naked, and have some technician put your breasts in a medical vise and smash the heck out of them. My left one still hurts, and this was yesterday I went...

This next topic came to mind while driving home from work... Every once and awhile, i like to just put on page my thoughts...like why when some web pages (aka MySpace, Yahoo 360, etc) have the capacity for you to add people as friends, it seems so many people become obsessed with adding as many as possible, which is really insane, to me. In real life i have co-workers, random associations with other people related to work, and while friendly, I don't consider them friends per se. To me, that is someone who you enjoy spending time with, not forced to cohabitate a work space with. Maybe that’s just me, but in the real world my priorities are family, friends, co-workers and everyone else. I don’t dislike anyone in particular, but what's the point of saying you have 2000 friends on MySpace or something like it, when I seriously doubt that a person can recall that many.

If you sent one message a day to each, just to say hi, and you type very quickly, it would still take awhile, unless off course you cheated(like i do) and used a select all function and then checked a box to hide addresses from others, so each of the 2000 thought they were getting a unique message...My online friends are people I am interested in, and many are frequently in touch with me or vice-versa.