Funny (strange funny not ha ha funny) are the thoughts you have while commuting to work. Mine were no doubt inspired by a song i was listening to, and thinking about how Christmas time has to me always been about family, and caring about other people, even when you think things are tough.
About halfway to work, i started thinking about something that I thought would have been a distant memory, and yet thinking about it made me cry, not the heavy boo hoo ruin your makeup cry, but like a soft tear rolling slowly from the corner of your eye down your cheek, and your eyes getting all blurry and that overall sadness that comes at thinking about things that evoke emotion..
I had started thinking about our dog that passed away, and how this was the first Christmas in the last 12 years that we would not have her here.
And then I started thinking about commitments, and that led me to the mother load of pent up emotion I thought I had dealt with.
Some reading this will not have a clue what I am saying, i am talking about when a someone gives her very soul to someone, makes a commitment to love that person forever and then that trust is stolen, maybe never to be restored. Yes, my damn ex...I was young, so full of what now seems idiotic notions.
We were together, and I wrote my mom and said that I was married and now going to live forever in North Carolina, or wherever we were stationed. HA! Here is how stupid I was, probably still am. Late at night, those muffled phone calls, then having to go "back to the unit, something has come up, we are on alert", well i believed it.
Like I wrote about before, believed it until I decided to make a surprise visit to cheer up someone at work, who just happened to have bought flowers(but not for me) and how many people can share this feeling I have even today of what a total idiot I must have been to allow myself to fall for that, to swallow the lies and trust nothing was going on because when i asked, i was told with a smirky laugh "nothing, nothing is going on you are being paranoid"...until that day, when my heart was ripped out
. I really felt bad, knowing that everyone else seemed to know he was having an affair,and i was the stupid wife they had never met until that day; for many it was a one time event, because the next day I went back to California . I remember it today as though it happened last week, and thats the sad part. That it still hurts me, nearly 30 years later.
Not like it did, but it still a bad place in my memories..actually one of the worst, right up there with losing my dad a year after honey and I got married.
And yet after I thought about this and was walking to the office from where I park, I still wished my ex had a happy life after me, because I was the best thing he ever had and he let it go. His loss was definitely my gain, because a year after i came back home my brother introduced me to honey, and we are now near 27 years together... and thats what I am thankful for on this holiday, and what I wish for everyone of you, to find someone that loves you as much as you love them, and never have to look back...only forward. 
Peace
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